Snap, Crackle, Pop: My Journey from Vanity to Reality

I’m in the absolute best shape of my life.

It’s an obnoxious thing to say, but hey, it’s true. Every morning, my reflection in the mirror brings a double-take. First, it’s “Whoa, that’s me!” and then, “I’d tap that.”

Ah, the sweet scent of vanity.

I’ve always maintained a relatively healthy lifestyle, but I’ve started to pack on a few extra pounds of fluff over the years. At times, I’ve gone longer without going to the gym. Or I would half-ass the workouts.

Something clicked in my head as I hit 48 last September. Maybe it was the realization that my warranty might be running out soon.

I invested in some workout routines and rekindled my romance with the gym. My partner and I also shook hands on a new eating plan.

Don’t worry, we are still eating hella good.

Now that I’m older, I must be deliberate in maintaining the one body I was issued at birth. Apparently, they don’t do exchanges or refunds.

This body carries my big, beautiful, creative brain. I need it in top-notch condition to keep the creative juices flowing.

Plus, I’m feeling great, sleeping like a log, and hey, the new me has left my partner’s jaw on the floor. She always had a thing for me, but now? She can’t keep her hands off of me.

Yes, vanity does have its perks.

But just as I was strutting my stuff, the universe decided to pitch me a knuckleball– my knees started sounding like a bowl of Rice Krispies—snap, crackle, pop.

A quick dash to the doctor, and boom – a torn meniscus in both knees. BOTH KNEEES!

Talk about a reality check. I didn’t half-ass that.

Well, I’ve had my little pity party, and now I’m gearing up for the next steps. I’m benched for the moment, but you wait until next season.

By Teevee Aguirre