Do you ever find yourself in the endless loop of “whys” with your kid and wonder why?
The answer lies within.
The reason they ask “why” is because we ask “why” all the time. It’s our fault as parents. We forget that we are doing the programming.
Do you really want to know why they spilled the milk?
Do you need to know why their room is a mess?
Do you need to know why they cut their own hair?
Not really. But we ask why regardless. It’s almost automatic.
What we want to know is “how” or “what” in most cases. The reason they perpetually ask why is because they hear us ask that same redundant question.
Children are literally learning all the nuance of speech and language from us, their parents. Listen closely; you will hear them say all our little goofy expressions as well.
This is no accident.
The skill of asking compelling questions is a superpower that can lead to better conversations and solutions in all contexts of our lives.
Asking “why” puts your child in a position to defend and justify their actions. Anything that comes out of their mouth will sound like an excuse.
Parents hate excuses. Yet, we set our kids up to make them.
Instead of asking why their room is a mess, ask what steps they will take to get it cleaned up? Now, you might not get the answer you want, but at least you can start having a productive conversation.
“Why” questions are powerful and useful but should not be used when you find yourself angry or frustrated with them.
Take a couple of beats, then ask a better question. Get to your third thought. It may still be a why question, but it will be intentional.
It’s like magic without the rabbit.